last part..

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until it came to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years of feelings. I didn't have much time because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding. This drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there waiting, loosing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi arriving from a distance.
I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk but simply nodded lightly and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out onto the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring into the dark window at the first and last love in my life, walking out of my life. The car took off into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twisted lies in my heart any longer. I waved my arms rapidly and chased after the taxi, because I knew this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her. I wanted to tell her to stay. I wanted to tell her so much. However, the taxi had already turned into the corner. Warm tears streamed down my face, blended together with the cold raindrops. I was cold not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory and his diary I found one year after he left, writing down these last words.